How to cope with aggressive outbreaks

Puberescent girls are a drag. Traumatised puberescent girls are a nightmare! This is the experience we have had during the last weeks, but we try to be understanding. Slamming doors, shouting, kicking - we know all of this.

Lately, I had an idea. I tried to put myself into Sue´s situation, and I wondered how I could help her in that state of suffering - because this is what it really is. And I came up with a large sheet of paper attached to the fridge door in our kitchen where we sit when things have to be sorted out. It shows three easy questions:

• What do I want to do for myself today?
• What do I want to do for my family today?
• What do I want to do together with others today?

Sue added another question:

• What do I want to avoid today?

Every morning now, we try to find answers to these questions. Mostly, it is something like: I want to tidy up my room or I want to be successful at school, I want to help get the house clean, I want to go for a walk and I don´t want to have any arguments. It helps her to cope with the day ahead and to gain more self-confidence.

While writing this, it comes to my mind that adults as well could plan their day that wy, only the answers would be possibly more detailed:

• I want to have a break when things get hectic
• I want to assist my wife with the housework
• I want to really be productive and get a result from this meeting
• I don´t want to argue with this colleague today

As I said, you should go more into detail and maybe imagine the situations and how you will react. This is what sportsmen do as well, ifthey want to be successful. And it discharges your mind from problems you don´t need.